I am back in the land of the living after spending much of the last few weeks scrambling through my second novel, which is now sitting on the desk of my editor, awaiting the red pen of doom. The last week in particular, as life crept towards my deadline, was particularly anxiety inducing, so I decided to take the week off twitter. And guess what? I got everything done! And I found that I wasn’t nearly as anxious as I usually am!
Why is this? Why would twitter, a computer game cleverly disguised as a social media device (I will one day attain the prize of the blue tick dammit!) make me go so crazy?
The truth is this: one of my big problems is that I compare myself to other people. This is something we all do in some form or another, but when I’m feeling a little bit emotionally fragile, this comparison problem becomes heightened and problematic. I compare myself to other people and find myself wanting. I am never good enough… I am failing… and everyone else is better than me. This is a common symptom of depression and generalised anxiety disorder. The trick in coping with this is to not let it get on top of you. Standing back and rationally evaluating the situation – easier said than done, I know, but I also know that I can help myself out of the slump as well. By taking away twitter from my life, I took away most of those annoying, negative voices. And I felt much better about it. I wasn’t worrying about what book I wasn’t reading, or how many words I hadn’t written, and what fandom I was feeling left out from. I was free!
Saying all this though, I do love twitter. I love that its become a part of my ‘office’ experience, and despite the loneliness of the job I do, I can still be a social animal. I love that it leads me to exciting places and new ideas. I love that I can personally connect with people who live nowhere near me, and who I’ve never met.
And trust me, even though I was away from everyone, that didn’t stop me collating the things that I would have talked about had I been running free through the twitter timelines. So, just in case you were wondering (and I realise that many of you are not wondering. Indeed, I realise that many of you probably didn’t even notice that I took an online break), here are all the things I wanted to tweet with you about last week:
- More ranting about how amazing Jupiter Ascending is
- Deciding to pick A Game of Thrones back up (I finished Book 1!)
- Seeing the trailer for new series of Game of Thrones on Sky and getting FEELINGS.
- The Oscars
- Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift KILLING IT at The Brits
- Madonna nearly getting killed at The Brits
- Wolf Hall
- Tina Fey and the amazingness that is her book Bossypants
- Improv Classes, and the fact that I want to start them
- That UKIP programme on the BBC
- Leonard Nimoy
- The Dress (white and gold forever my peeps)
- Llama Drama
- My brother starting to read my book
- Being obsessed with the Tegan and Sara radio station on Spotify
- The Return of Runaways
So there we are, and now you know. Despite not talking about them publicly, these are all the things I was intensely thinking about last week (when I wasn’t thinking about/crying over my new novel).
And now that the new novel has been handed in, I have a chance to let myself properly worry about the next big milestone: LESS THAN A MONTH UNTIL OTHERGIRL IS PUBLISHED!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!